Is Romanticizing the Past Keeping You from Moving Forward?

Learn to dig deeper, gather insight and set intentions - while embracing gratitude for your past and the wisdom gained along the way.

One of my favorite photos of Griz and I, in the early morning, watching the sun rise behind Mount Shasta. www.unrulywomen.org

This morning I woke up deeply missing my apartment I used to live in, on the ocean in Oregon.  I thought of the hike I would be on, the ocean I’d be throwing sticks into for Griz to fetch, the coffee I would have gotten at So It Goes and the breakfast burrito from Vinny’s that I’d be munching on for the next 3-4 days because it was so huge and delicious.  I got a bit lost in the memories and found myself thinking how much happier I could be if I were just there.

After I allowed myself to daydream a bit, reality reminded me that it wouldn’t be like that at all.  I could do those things and go to my favorite places and see some of my favorite people, but ultimately it wouldn’t be the same. People have moved on, places have changed, life has continued. All of the events that played out as they did brought me to exactly where I am right now - -  a place I worked hard to get to and dreamt of for years.  There is plenty I’m still working on and working through, dreaming up and dreaming of making a reality, there are good and bad days, harder days and easier days.  And I have found that when I get stuck wishing I was in Oregon again, living on the ocean and hiking in the lush greenery . . . it’s really the feelings that I’m missing.  The experiences that made me feel alive, purposeful, and free.   By realizing this, I can easily think of the intentions I need to set, to recreate the feelings that I’m longing for, the ‘me’ that I’m longing to embrace again- - and still move forward.

Through my own digging this morning (aka journaling), I discovered what I am missing most is the adventure, being immersed in nature, a sense of belonging, and the version of myself that is more spontaneous and fearless.  I’ve really been missing ‘her’.

If you too have been romanticizing pieces of your past, don’t be too hard on yourself.  Dig a little deeper to discover what exactly you’re missing, because there’s a really good chance it’s not necessarily the person or the place, but the feelings surrounding it.

The view from the porch of my apartment in Oregon. A place that was incredibly healing for me, and exactly what I needed at the time. I miss it. The view, the serenity, the hummingbirds, watching the tide go in and out with the moon cycle, the seals barking and the waves lapping the shore below. Most of all, my 89 year old neighbor Ed who would give Griz endless treats and the two of us would drink red wine, eat Papa Murphy’s pizza and play cribbage on Friday nights. www.unrulywomen.org

Now, I challenge you to discover how you can bring that into your present life or how you can set the intentions to bring those feelings or experiences back into your life.

Life continues, whether we’re ready or not.  When we’re being swept away in the current, it’s easy to focus on what used to be because it’s familiar, not necessarily because it’s what is right or even where you want to be going.

Don’t be too hard on yourself if you can’t help but think about what or who you’re missing.   Write about it, and then read over it.  You’ll soon discover it’s not the place, or the person, or the experience - - but the feelings that came with it, or a version of yourself that flourished in those circumstances.

Feel grateful that those people, places and experiences brought out the best versions of you - - but don’t forget that you don’t need them to embrace the versions of you that you like the best, because it is already YOU.

Playing fetch with a very happy Griz, in an alcove at low tide at one of the local beaches. We would run in and out of the waves for hours at all times of the year. It felt as though the ocean’s salinity easily washed away any stress or worry from the day, the numbness from the cold was an accessible ‘cold plunge’, and the roaring of the waves were a calming silence to my often-overthinking brain. www.unrulywomen.org

Some people aren’t meant to be in our lives forever, they’re meant to move through it, teach us something and that lesson is what we’re meant to move forward with.  Just as we move through experiences and places that we’d love to stay in, but can’t.  An important skill, is to learn to carry with you the lessons  you’ve learned, the pieces of you gathered along the way through the experiences and places that made you feel more like you.

What’s meant for you, won’t pass you by.  And if it does, who’s to say it won’t come back around when you’re truly ready?

Griz and I hiking along one of my favorite trails, a sun beam illuminates the trail and water droplets that hang in the air. I miss the salty ocean air and the fog bank that would roll in and out almost daily. www.unrulywomen.org

What habit(s) or intention(s) can you invite into your life, to bring forward the versions of you that you like the most?  To call in the experiences that you dream of? To call in the life you dream of living? Write them out, and weave them into the future you’re creating. Yes, YOU are creating. It might not play out exactly how you imagine or plan it to, but you may be surprised that when you look back so much of what you invited in, came to fruition.

If you’re feeling stuck or like you don’t have any other options … take your blinders off.  Take a deep breath.  Place your hand on your heart.  Drop your shoulders, unclench your jaw and take a few deep breaths. And remind yourself that you are so much stronger, knowledgeable, and capable than you realize or give yourself credit for.  Don’t get stuck in the obstacles - there will always be obstacles.  Instead try to use that brain energy to brainstorm solutions - and move forward from here.

We are flawed humans that make mistakes, we’re not mean to be perfect.  We’re multifaceted beings with limitless possibilities.  What will you choose today? To be stuck and feel as though you have no options? Or to trust that there’s some way to live differently, and choose to brainstorm solutions?

Griz and I on a local hike about 10 min from home. This one, I miss most. www.unrulywomen.org

*Today I journaled what I was reminiscing about, I read through it and discovered the feelings I was truly missing and the version of myself that hasn’t come forward lately. Then, I wrote out the people I’ve met since I’ve been back, the places I’ve visited and the experiences I’ve had here that brought forth similar feels. Looking over the list was helpful to remember what resources I do have, set the intentions and make plans. This spurred writing this blog (because I know I can’t be the only one who feels this way tome to time and I thought you could use a little reminder too). Then, taking the information I gathered, I went straight to the mountain bike trails I haven’t ridden since mid-November for a slow but great snowy ride and immediately felt more like myself. Sometimes, we just need to remember our why to have the motivation to get out there and try.

I finally got out and mountain biked in the snow today and I felt like myself again. www.unrulywomen.org

Griz on the beach, a sunset walk. The fog bank rolling in, my favorite. I can almost feel the ocean spray on my skin and smell the seaweed in the air. www.unrulywomen.org

Another beautiful local hike, Griz looking over the cliff to watch the surfers walk along the beach. www.unrulywomen.org

***Disclaimer:  I write from my own personal experience and my writings are to be interpreted as such. I encourage you to use your own critical thinking when making decisions and major life choices. As always, you are your own person, capable of making your own decisions regardless of external influences - take no shit but do no harm. ***